The Update Blog Entry: It’s like Show-and-Tell for Grown-Ups!

~ I’ve had this independent blog for a year now. And I’ve been talking about customizing it from this boring, WordPress background/format for that whole year. It’s time to make that happen. I’m thinking something neo-boudoir-like (like my Twitter account wallpaper) although that’s terribly trendy for the moment and I don’t want to have to update it all the time as you see how well I’m doing with that in the first place.

~ I’ve been on this weird Warhol kick where I’m reading about all his crazy antics and all the people whose careers were launched just by being around him and I’m trying to decide whether or not I actually like him. (I think he’s one of those people I admire as a visionary and pioneer of popular culture but probably would’ve thought was a dick in real life, for the record.) In that vein, I think I’m going to start a series of Warhol-style screen tests and get my friends on board. Could be interesting to see how differently they turn out in today’s reality-show culture, versus what they were back in the 1960’s when pop voyeurism was completely revolutionary.

~ I also found this article about a man who took one Polaroid photo every day of his life. I think it’s fascinating. I’d like to make it a habit to do the same and see what I have in 5 years. Even if it turns out really poignant and significant or something unlikely like that, I’d never ever show it; that would just seem like I’m stomping all over someone else’s novel idea. Like splattering paint on canvas all Pollack-like and then trying to make some dough off it. Wrong.

~ I’ve kind of been suffering another wave of the “I’m not worthy!”s. I’m not going to wallow in or expound on it here (again) but the continued love and support I receive from my friends (and family) sometimes gets to be overwhelming in that I feel like I can never repay any of it adequately, nor have I ever done anything to deserve it. Although I am trying.

~ I swear I’m not going to turn this whole blog into a means to advertise for myself but, being that this is something kinda big I’ve undertaken, I thought it was relevant in sharing recent happenings and goings-on. Anyway, after a lot of consideration and research and a completely unsolicited recommendation by a friend who isn’t even associated with the business (and, therefore, wasn’t trying to recruit me for her own benefit) I took the plunge and signed on to be a Passion Parties consultant.

(If you don’t know, Passion Parties, Inc. is the leader in one of the many companies that sells romantic/sexual enhancements to women at small gatherings in the safety of their homes. The company was founded in 1994 by a woman who knew other women were curious in adult novelties but were often hesitant to go out in public to see what was on the market [in skeezy porn shops with leering men] and didn’t want to shop online because they were uneducated about what they were buying or wanted to see/sample the product before making a commitment. Needless to say, the company has been wildly successful and is the one most commonly seen in the mainstream media, like “Oprah and “Tyra” and “The Doctors”, etc. We don’t sell pornography or hardcore BDSM gear (a bummer for some of us), because the company is really all about giving women a comfortable place to explore their most common needs and interests. For the woman who is just beginning to figure out what she wants sexually - or even talk about it - anything crazier than stripper poles, double-sided dildos or strap-ons (which we sell!) might be overwhelming.)

I was turned on to the company because, while it’s a pyramid-scheme ultimately, it isn’t like Mary Kay where they’re constantly breathing down your neck to recruit people to work under you BECAUSE everyone makes 40% profit off everything we sell anyway. (So it isn’t imperative to get people on board in order to make money… that’s what I’m getting at here.) Also, the woman I work under (She lives in NJ, which they do so that teammates aren’t competing against each other.) is amazingly rad in that she’s letting me go at my own pace and isn’t one of those glassy-eyed corporation peddlers who’s all about working my ass off 24/7 and understands that I’m doing this as a side project and I have an actual life. Also, she’s not afraid to find a few harmless loopholes or ways to work the system to help herself out and I like that a lot. She’s shown me how to get credit card machines for cheaper than PPI sells/rents them, where to get supercheap marketing materials, and even gave me permission to keep selling my Yum in the Tub Scrub while at parties I throw (I sell literally the exact same thing we sell at Passion Parties but for 1/6 of the price. And in prettier packaging.) which is a bit of a conflict of interest. Plus she’s a no-bullshit type of gal. I like that.

Oh! And other Big Perk of the New Job! I get to have conference calls with Sue Johansen! She does them once a month for consultants! Whee!

So anyway, I sent off my quite reasonable start-up cost for my display/tester kit, (They give you a bunch of options on that one, which is nice, but the $100 one doesn’t have any toys so what’s the point? Who wants to go to a party to look at a bunch of cremes? I got the $250 kit that has over $800 worth of products! And I get to test everything but the toys! Whee!) had Greg design me some custom business cards/car magnets/address labels, bought myself a URL for my free company website (ThePassionateMinx.com and set to work planning parties and quizzing myself on our products.

WARNING: This next part may read like I’m trying to sell you on stuff. It’s really not and I don’t care if you never buy from me ever. We’re still friends.

I’ve gotta be honest, while I know Passion Parties is one of the better companies to buy from, I was honestly counting on my inventory to have about 5-10 “best sellers” that the company relied on and then everything else just sort of being mediocre. Specifically, after trying at least a dozen women-friendly stimulant cremes, I’d pretty much decided that those were bogus and would only result in making my groin temporarily chilly and then pin-prickly. Needless to say, I was very pleasantly surprised to find that I genuinely love about 90% of our merchandise so much that I’m probably going to own all of it within a year. (The other 10% is all lotions and stuff that, while nice in fragrance and consistency, I’m not really a fan of in the first place and kind of think I’ll save my money for some Jergens.)

WARNING: This next part is particularly sales-pitchy.

The aforementioned creme is the Pure Satisfaction UniSEX Enhancement Gel which - I’m not making this up - the scientists who developed the active chemical combination in it WON A NOBEL PRIZE FOR in 1998. (”Marcy! My son just won a Nobel Prize!” “Oh, Jan, that’s amazing! What did he win it for?” “Um. For creating a serum that makes women have massive orgasms.” “… So, is he seeing anyone?”) Also, they’ve created the Pure Satisfaction G-Spot Creme that does the same thing but on the g-spot (and that we’re having a special on this month! You can buy it with a whole extra vibrator for just 50 cents extra! I’m sorry.. I’m done.) and, if you use the two together HOLYMOSESPARTINGSEAS. I’ve always had problems with G-spot-related activity, but when I tried the two while using “Da Bomb” (I didn’t use my demo one…) I literally passed out for an hour or so afterward and woke up with the vibrator still running. (I’m sorry if any of my family members are reading this. I would think the context of the conversation would’ve run you off by now anyway.) My sponsor told me of a woman who had had a botched episiotomy that left her with no feeling in her groin for about 4 years, causing some sexual frustration with her and her spouse. My sponsor let her sample the Enhancement Gel liberally at a party and the woman called the next morning to order 3 bottles.

So, yes, I believe in our products. Whole heartedly. Which is really really nice because I’ve worked for companies where I’m selling shit that I loathe and I constantly feel like I’m duping these perfectly nice people into wasting money and perpetuating our economic crisis. We’re female-centric but we do have a lot of male-friendly products, too, like the Gigi (a very texturally lifelike masturbation tool) and a hollow strap-on.

I’m planning on sending out info packets to local sororities in the area (one of my teammates did $2,200 in sales last weekend at a sorority house party) and maybe trying to appeal to the lesbian market as well because I kind of get the feeling that PPI hasn’t taken a lot of time to think about them at all, in favor of saving marriages.

So yeah. That’s what’s going on.

~ (sorta related) Greg has never been the type to downplay my dreams and goals but I was genuinely amazed at how quickly he hopped on board with this new business venture. I’d prepared a speech and a bulleted list of reasons I wanted to try this out and before I even got to my second sentence, he interrupted with “YES. I think you’d be great at it and I’ll do anything I can to help you get this off the ground.” It was incredible. He fronted the overhead costs, designed my marketing supplies, watched Chloe while I went through my materials and sat on conference calls with my sponsor for training purposes. He’s been really amazing about all this and it gives me even more motivation to do well so I’m not letting him down.

Additionally, my family is on board and supportive too which is fantastic. I’m not surprised that my sisters are cool with it but I was a bit more than surprised that my parents weren’t mortified. My mom didn’t actually want to discuss my merchandise or really the fact that I was in this particular market, but my dad was willing to discuss it openly and positively and even acknowledged that I’m educated and comfortable enough with sexuality in general that I’d be great at it. I was flattered in a really strange way. (I think that’s maybe the ONLY way discussing one’s sexuality with your father is healthy.) And then my friends are generally great anyway, so it was nice to be able to call them and tell them what I’m doing and knowing that they’d be psyched for me. Of course, the outstanding inclusion to that category is my friend Martha, who, after I had only said, “Hey, I just signed on as a Passion Parties consultant…” immediately said, “Oh my god! Can we do a party together?!” She rocks so very. Very. Very hard.

Anyway, I’m hoping this will be a means for saving money so I can go back to school in addition to getting ourselves out of the small amount of debt we’ve built in the last couple years. (Thank God it’s not nearly as bad as that of other kids our age. We’ve had a lot of luck and/or blessings.) I want this job to be something I can do a couple nights a week at most while spending time with Chloe and Greg during the day and later, attending school and working more on building a writing portfolio. Again, I’m so excited that my sponsor is cool with this and isn’t expecting me to work to be one of those consultants who climbs the ladder and makes $100,000 her first year.

(And now in unrelated news. Finally, right?)

~ Because of a heap of scheduling conflicts, I chose to withdraw myself from the Christmas show I was cast in. Initially I was really really disappointed because I haven’t done a show in years and I really miss acting (even though my actual skills there are mediocre at best. This isn’t up for debate.) and I really wanted to be in a Dickensonian Caroling Quartet, which I was cast in, but then I realized that I was committing every hour Greg was at home during 6 days out of the week (5-9 Mon-Fri, Noon-9 on Saturdays) for the two busiest, most family-centric time of year, all for a part with two lines and 30% stage time. Not that I’d give up being around my family during the holidays for a leading part with huge pay, but it certainly would’ve been more persuading.

This being said, I’m still on board for “South Pacific” next spring. And I’m pumped.