For about the last six months, my dreams have conducted three separate affairs with three separate men in a series of rather steamy encounters. This is humorous to me, not because I find humor in extramarital affairs (quite the opposite, actually), but because my mind actually supposes that I could possibly conjure enough discipline to have even one discreet long-term operation. And so the idea of possibly having the discipline for three is absolutely hysterical.

I don’t really care what the subconscious implications of such a strange mental phenomenon are, to be honest. I just think it’s interesting because my mind is able to keep track of each affair from dream to dream, remembering instances and quotes from each dream and transferring this knowledge to the others. The gentlemen my subconscious has chosen are equally as bizarre as none are particularly important male figures in my life. In fact, all of them are brief character blips in the overall synopsis of my life, but my mind has, in the course of the last half-year, created entire relationships between myself and these men who are only nonfiction in name and appearance. What I mean is that in addition to creating completely fictitious relationships, my mind has delicately crafted these men into complex characters (maybe caricatures, actually) that I am apparently unable to resist. Again, the men involved are people I really don’t know, but I [creepily, freakishly] have developed these entire personas subconsciously that inevitably have nothing to do with the people they actually are today.

Anyway, just about the time I forget about the terribly erotic affairs I conduct while asleep, another will crop up and run its course for about a week and I wake up feeling strangely rejuvenated, but also incredibly guilty, as if I’ve actually been unfaithful to my husband.