I’m sick of watching/reading/hearing people publicly apologize for something they said that offended some random group of people. And, as much as I’d like to be angry at the parade of hyper-apologetic wimps that stream across the headlines, I really am more pissy at the public they’re talking to, who are sitting around being offended and tapping their toes for an apology. But when it really comes down to it, I’m kind of just incredulous that few people are actually recognizing how unbelievably ridiculous this whole scenario is in the first place. And how avoiding/learning to deal with it is painfully simplistic.

Look,

1) If you say something, MEAN IT.

This doesn’t even apply specifically to people who are public figures. This has to do with all of us. It’s pretty basic. If you say something, make sure you mean it. And that’s not a stand-in for that cheap “Keep your words sweet; one day you may have to eat them! ::giggle!::” line kids like to use as their senior year yearbook quotes. If you know what you have to say is going to piss people off, you’d better make sure you can stand behind it all the way. Because when you don’t, and you come out offering an apology, then you not only look like a wuss with no brain, but you totally shoot your credibility in the foot for… well, for forever.

Here’s a perfect example: In January 2010, Sen. Harry Reid decided to show everyone how incredibly antiquated he actually was by mentioning that Barack Obama made a good candidate because he had no “Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” (Wow. I’ll bet he still calls black waitors “Jackson”.) Anyway, when the book was released and everyone [understandably] pitched a bit of a hissy about him being a douche, he came out and apologized for what he’d said. Okay, it’s one thing to say something stupid off the cuff (See? I’ll admit that Obama’s flawed.) but when you go out of your way to have something published in a book that obviously was taken through a few editing sessions and still voluntarily included, maybe you probably meant it. So coming out and apologizing for saying it kinda makes you look even dumber, because we get it. We know you’re just doing it to save face because you didn’t think it would bother anyone. And our opinions of you have already been set, knowing all the work you had to do to get those words in print. So at least have the self-respect to stand behind your statements.

I’m not saying I approve of him (or anyone) being a douche, but like Evelyn Beatrice Hall said (although usually miscredited to Voltaire) “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” That’s one of the things that’s rad about America- we’ve got free speech going on for us. Sure, I think Carrie Prejean is a hypocritical, plastic moron who is perpetuating disgusting stereotypes about young American women but I believe she has the right to say anything that’s on her mind and stand behind it. I believe we all do. And, luckily, I’ve got the Forefathers on my side with this one, so I usually don’t have to censor myself.

And this all brings me to my next point.

2) If you’re alive, you’re going to offend someone at least once before you die.

My grandfather was literally the kindest human being I’ve ever known. He was a prestigious businessman who came from very very humble, rural roots and was incredibly generous and active in his community. (Fun Fact!: He orchestrated the Japanese surrender ceremony on board the USS Missouri on September 2, 1945. We have a photo of the event with him in it, just after escorting the foreign officients to their position and he actually had one of the pens that signed the treaty until my Gran just tossed it because “we just don’t need more stuff.”) When he passed away in March 2000, the congregation at his funeral spilled out onto the steps of the large church where it was held. He’s the kind of person whose acquaintences can’t even find the audacity to take the time to try to find something they didn’t like about him as a person…

… And yet I’m positive that he offended a few dozen people in his life. At least.Just by being who he was.

The thing is that just being who you are is going to offend someone. Period. If you’re a Repub, you’re going to offend a left-winger. If you’re a feminist, you’re going to offend an idiot… er, a chauvanist. If you’re privileged, you’re going to offend someone who isn’t. That’s just the way of the world. So trying to live your life without stepping on anyone’s toes is fruitless, no matter what.

I’m not saying you should go out of your way to offend people. That’s Madonna’s job and, frankly, that schtick got old in the late-90’s. I’m just saying that you should stand strong for whatever you stand for. Because if you don’t, then you’re going to look like a spineless idiot and there are more than enough of those in the world right now. Try to change the status quo. Don’t back down. It’s going to be hard but wouldn’t it be worth you to be important for a cause you believed in than unimportant and standing for nothing? I can’t believe anyone would settle for that.