Look, I fully realize and accept that everyone has character flaws and that part of life is learning to accept each other (and ourselves) despite them. I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is when people are dominated by those faults and see no need to change their terrible demeanors/dysfunctions. And this is why I hate Winnie the Pooh’s friends.

I know that they’re supposed to be caricatures of personalities and perhaps there’s supposed to be some underlying message about learning to love each other, but, frankly I think that that whole moral is missed on the audience that the Disney cartoon version of A. A. Milne’s work was targeting.

Let’s look at the group:
Rabbit is a staunch traditionalist micromanager and misanthrope who borderlines on OCD and manipulates those around him through the implementation of guilt.
Owl is a pompous windbag who pays no attention to the needs of others and, instead, dominates all his relationships by rambling about himself and the lifestyle that he no longer has with people he no longer sees.
Tigger is ruled by his out-of-control ADHD and his overwhelming insecurities, which lead him to grandstanding, invading others’ personal space violently and rarely accepting humility and responsibility for the completely self-centered lifestyle he leads. (Also, he’s a bit of a pathological liar.)
Piglet is a wimpering coward who hides behind his feeble excuses (”I’m a small animal.. waahh.”) and general fear to prevent himself from having a life of his own. Instead, he has committed himself to a completely codependent relationship with Pooh, relying on the bear to provide him protection and to think and perceive the world for him, instead.
Gopher is an annihilistic workaholic with no regard to anyone around him.
Eeyore is just a fucking drag who has resolved himself to the lazy comfort of being miserable and whining about how horrible his life is when he does nothing to make it better or to turn his mentality around.
And Pooh, while sweet and genuinely good-hearted, suffers from an overwhelming eating disorder that he refuses to treat even after his actions have had negative repercussions on his friendships. (Getting trapped in Rabbit’s doorway for a few days after inviting himself over to eat all of Rabbit’s honey, for example.) He steals from his friends, he cannot function without turning to honey as a source of comfort and his every action is driven by his desire for food. Gross.

The only tolerable one of the whole group is Kanga (and Roo) who is having to do the single-parent thing and has nobody to hang out with but this group of self-absorbed idiots. She either has a raging drinking problem she keeps in secret or has found zen.

All of them have their moments of hope. They have moments of peace and compassion and genuine care and joy for each other, but most of their interactions are dictated by their utter dysfunctions and it is EXHAUSTING to watch.

I’m glad I was never one of those kids who identified with any of the characters, although I’m sure the things I hate about their respective personalities somehow reflect things I don’t like about myself or some psychoanalytical crap along those lines. But when I take the time to invite fictitious characters into my life, I like to find people and personalities that I can relate to, whose quirks and flaws seem real and ever-evolving, whom I would enjoy hanging out with in real life. Because, if you think about it, that’s really what you’re doing anyway by taking the time to get invested with their personal stories. And, just like the characters from ‘Sex and the City’, I find the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Woods to be insufferable and annoying.