Dear Santa/Hanukkah Harry/Kwanzaa Kringle/Oprah,

Below are the things I really would love to have but am not asking anyone for this year in fear that I will look greedy, materialistic and frivolous. Besides, my wish list for friends and family already include a new dresser, an office chair, replacement lenses for my glasses and a bulky winter coat and winter boots for the Bear; I really don’t want them to get distracted by these superficial, shiny things that I really really don’t need instead of helping me out with the things I/we do.

However, since this is a season of miracles, here’s what I’ve got. Again, none of these are imperative and I know you and the Birthday Fairy totally hooked me up last year so don’t take this as me being greedy or ungrateful. This is just silly, girly wishfulness coming out at midnight.

A Red IBM Selectric Typewriter

The year isn’t important, so long as it has the rounded corners (usually in the I series.) Green is an acceptable substitute. (If you can’t find one in either color, creative hand-painted designs are also acceptable.)

A Wax-Seal Set
Since I have dual last initials, I’d prefer something decorative for the stamp face (instead), although I’d like it to not be a fleur de lis.

A Kayak
I’ll also be needin’ a roofrack, life vests, stern lamp, paddle, travel doggie, etc. Preferably a kayak styled for distance, although it doesn’t have to be any longer than 18′ and certainly doesn’t have to be made by hand out of wood. I also don’t HAVE to have a certain brand but I do love Necky. Also, I’m cool with it being one of those “Ocean Kayaks” for now, since I have a little one who’ll probably join me for a few runs until she’s older.

A Really great smoothie recipe book

I don’t have time to sit around and try every book out. I just want one book of easy, inexpensive smoothies without crazy ingredients or prep methods. Is that too much to ask?!

Any of this Benefit stuff:

A Membership to the local Y
I’ve never paid for a gym membership before because I’ve been lucky enough to have them included wherever I’ve lived but I’d love one now, especially knowing that this spot has a free daycare center.

A Spa Day

Now more than ever. Preferably I’d like a facial, a massage, a kelp wrap, a chemical peel, my first pedicure and enough smoothies to drown out my daily stressors.

An Honest Investor

I’d love a couple grand to get this sugar scrub business in a place where I’m not always playing catch-up and don’t have to wait for a sale to stock up on stuff. Plus, I need a few marketing tools

A week at the John C. Campbell Folk School in North Carolina
This place is AMAZING. I’d love to spend a whole year there, learning glass-blowing and blacksmithing and book binding and pottery and baking and story-telling. But one week out of the year would be okay for now.

OR

Two weeks off for a roadtrip

I have about a dozen friends to whom I owe road trips. I have one friend in TN, one in VA, five in NY (state), 2 in L.A., one in Berkeley, one in FL… the list could ramble on. However, I’ve made definite “I WANNA DO A ROAD TRIP WITH YOU!!!” plans with one of my friends in NY and I would really really love it if someone would take over at home so I can run around the country like a crazy woman and stumble into rough roadhouses and get into trouble for a couple weeks with another adventurous free spirit-type. Just like I used to, except without the drinking and waking up in unexpected places. Please?

An affordable, reliable Psych.

I miss my old one, but I’m not about to drive 3 hours back to South Carolina every time I need a drug refill.

A House

I don’t need you to actually provide/pay for it, so much as shop around and find the perfect one so I don’t have to. I’d like it to be 3-bedroom, 2.5 bath, (at least) with a sunroom, a dining room, a big backyard, room for a garden, a two-car garage, plenty of storage, lots of sunlight and good soil and a fireplace. I need it to be in a nice, quiet area of town with lots of unspoiled kids in the neighborhood who are into Girl Scouting and lemonade stands and camping out in the backyard. Also, the more land the better.  A pond/lake, arbor, wrap-around porch, bay window, studio, verandah or balcony is always a welcome addition.

Tickets to see Gaga in NYC on my birthday
I know she’s nuts. I’m not even that big of a fan of her music so much as what she’s doing to the industry (refusing to let record companies make her all oversexualized… not being afraid to look ugly on purpose… really freaking people out without actually being obscene… It’s GREAT!) I just cannot imagine a more amazing party than to see her wrap up her N.American tour in her hometown. I wanna dress crazy and dust off my raver name and dance with beautiful gay men all night! Let’s do it! Oh and don’t worry; I got places I can crash, no sweat.

Gift cards to Amazon, Victoria’s Secret, Sephora, World Market and Michael’s Arts & Crafts
Any amount. Seriously.