It’s one of those Fridays where I’m going to share random thoughts. And I’m not in the mood to argue about any of them.

~ I’m going to visit my Gran next weekend. I’m unbelievably excited about this and the chance to watch her interact with Chloe on a one-on-one basis.

Gran’s amazing. She’s one of those women who used to be a beauty queen and still adheres to those standards of beauty, always going to the gym, always worried about her weight (and everyone else’s), never leaving the house without makeup. I kind of hate that trait in anyone else but in Gran it’s so endearing. When we go to the country club, she’s the kind of woman who’ll see her peers (or even women 15 years younger) hunch-backed in 30-years-outdated housedresses and pincurl perms and lean over to slyly state, “I hope I never look like that.” And really, she’s a remarkably beautiful woman, even at 85. She has Christopher-Lloyd-white hair that comes down to her shoulders in soft waves and these bright blue eyes that have slowly lost most of their twinkle in the 9 years since my grandfather died (the man was a dream husband, which is why I get so touched when my Gran tells me my own husband reminds her of him) and the most beautiful, unrestrained laugh I’ve ever heard in my life. She’s totally a pistol but she never diverges from her Southern, dignity-always mentality.

Alright, here’s a ridiculously cool testament as to how remarkably rad Gran has been her whole life: When she met my grandfather, she was engaged to this big Texas oil tycoon and had a rock the size of my face to prove it. Anyway, she was in the beauty pageant for the Greensboro May Day Queen and her escort was a no-show. One of her friends ran over to this group of soldiers in uniform and asked, “Hey, will one of you guys escort my friend?” When she pointed over to Gran, apparently the group was slack-jawed until one little guy from a poor little town in the mountains of NC offered to do it. That was my granddad. Like something out of a movie, she won the pageant (of course) and had Grandaddy walk her home, during which she asked him to take her to dinner (pretty forward for the early 1940’s) When he came back to pick her up that night, he was a little early and she answered the door apologizing for not being ready yet. My cousin did this amazing interview with my grandfather before he passed and recorded the whole thing that he gave to us on CD. On it my grandfather talks about that evening and he closes the story by saying, “When I got to the door, she was wearing her engagement ring, but when she came back downstairs she wasn’t. I remember thinking, ‘Well, that’s something, isn’t it?”

So yes, they were married a year or so later (she wore the dress she wore for the May Day pageant) and they had five kids and he was a wildly successful man who was loved by everyone in his county and they were at the top of their social ladder for manymany years and it was all just splendid and perfect.

But hold on. It TOTALLY gets better. After my grandfather died in 2000, we were kind of worried about Gran but knew she’d busy herself with meeting old friends (she’s been in the same bridge club for 50 years) and going to the gym, etc. In 2005 I was in Australia and was talking to my dad about how Gran was doing and he kind of got this amused tone in his voice and said, “Well, she’s kind of seeing someone.” and went on to tell me about this guy who had been sending her flowers and talking to her on the phone for hours a few times a week and was flying in on his private jet to visit her.

Yeah. That Texan she broke up with 60+ years ago to marry my grandfather called her a few years ago and is still trying to win her over. I hope to God I have game like that when I’m 85. (Although I still wouldn’t date most of my exes even then. This is not up for debate.)

Anyway, that’s Gran. She’s the kind of woman who told me to walk 2 miles and drink one cup of black coffee and one glass of wine for every day I was pregnant. (She also told me that if I gained more than 20 lbs. during my pregnancy, my doc wouldn’t deliver my child. Heh… Old people and their crazy ideas.) She offers beer to everyone who visits, unless it’s still morning and then she’ll offer a Bloody Mary or a Screwdriver.

A few years ago we had this family reunion and before she went on her walk one day, she found me and showed me this headband I’d made for her when I was in the 1st grade. (It was made out of Hot Loops. Remember those things?! And you wove them together using this weird finger-weaving method?) She mentioned that she’d always used it to work out for the last 20-ish years and always thought of me when she did. I was touched.

Later that evening, she and I sat out on the porch talking and watching the ocean. Before she turned in for the night, she mentioned how much she loved talking to me and how she always felt we were kindred spirits. I reciprocated the sentiment and told her how much it meant to me to have a grandmother who loved me so much. To which she replied (and I may never ever forget this as long as I live), “Of course I love you honey. Why else would I have kept that tacky headband all these years?”

Awesome.

~ The fact that Cathy Guisewite still has an active career with national syndication crushes my optimism for the modern human spirit more than anything else in pop culture. At least reality television is deliberately idiotic. Nobody cites the “Cathy” comic as one of their guilty pleasures.
And I’ve never been one of those angry feminists who gets mad about stupid shit. I really only get passionate about important causes like the government getting out of our bodies/relationships and women getting paid the same as men, etc. But why in hell isn’t she receiving hate mail every single day for actively perpetuating these abysmal stereotypes about the overweight, ever-”victimized”, middle-aged woman who’s adept to society and malleable to public influence? Personally, I think it’s worse than anything Hefner of Flint has ever done.

~ You know, I used to think that Peter Dinklage had to be the bravest man in Hollywood. Here’s a man who is incredibly talented and went to the most superficial place on the planet to pursue a career in which he doesn’t use his size as a gimmick. Okay, sure he’s been given roles that were written for midgets but he’s never resorted to stereotypes and cheap sellouts in those roles; he’s always portrayed as a normal person with real emotions and intelligence (Like the literary genius he played in ‘Elf‘ or the Liz Lemon suitor on ‘30 Rock‘.) However, he’s also been given roles in which his size had absolutely nothing to do with the part. For one extremely impressive example, in 2006 he portrayed a lawyer in the true story of Jackie DiNorscio (Find Me Guilty) who, in reality wasn’t/isn’t a small person at all. That, to me, is pretty incredible. So, I’ve been a fan because of his incredible talent, integrity… and smoldering eyes… and deep, authoritative voice… ::shudders with arousal:::

But then I realized that if I was to name the Bravest Actor in Hollywood (and I’m not even going to get into the absurdity of the notion that people “take risks” in roles that require them to be “brave.” Give me an effing break. Yeah, I get the concept behind that, that a poor portrayal might destroy someone’s career or the director’s vision but please… Don’t flatter yourself by acting like you conjured up some deep, ancient courage to play a public figure.) it’d be Steve Buscemi. Hands down. Think about it. That guy looked in the mirror and said, “Yeah, dammit. I’m going to be in films.” And he never got any plastic surgery, he never fixed those crowded teeth, he didn’t change a thing to try to fit into any of the aesthetic requirements of modern cinema. And now look at him! He’s, like, constantly employed and he’s practically a household name. Sure, his roles are limited to the “skeezy” category, but he’s been given the chance to move around in that field during his career. There was “skeezy renegade hero” in the dreadful ‘Armageddon’, there was “skeezy psychopathic killer” in ‘Con Air’, “skeezy drunken black sheep/broken spirited brother” in ‘The Wedding Singer’ and then there was “sensitive skeezy older-man love interest” in ‘Ghost Town’. You really have to admire the versatility there.

So, bravo Buscemi. You’ve shown us that in life you can chase and obtain your dreams if you really honestly believe in yourself. The message isn’t lost on me.

~ The knowledge that people are arguing about health care changes based on the singular fact that they’re too greedy and too selfish to help people who can’t help themselves is disgusting and heartbreaking to me. Alright, I don’t necessarily agree with the health care plans in question at the moment and I know that there are going to be people who take advantage of any system, but the idea that so so many people really believe that poor people or people with disabilities who have no way of improving their situation actually enjoy taking government handouts and being powerless over their lives is just ridiculous. Again, I know those people exist but can’t we give the majority the benefit of the doubt?
(And yes, the knowledge that all these people whining about not sharing and acting like uneducated morons in courthouses are primarily upper-middle class, white, privileged citizens is somewhat embarrassing.)

~ I’ve just sort of gotten into Hunter S. Thompson (I is a late bloomer) and, while I get that the man was a genius and a literary revolutionary and had that sort of Crazy where his thoughts were “out there” but somehow made a lot of sense, but mostly I think he was just an asshole.

The thing is, while I think everyone admires/envies the type of person who says “Fuck society!” and lives by their own agendas and sticks strongly to his convictions of idealism, when it comes down to someone who lives a life proud of his substance addictions and constantly in a state of inebriation (admittedly pretty appealing to some people), no matter how functional he’s able to be in his professional life, he’s still going to carry all the classic traits of an addict. And that’s how it was with this guy. He was unbelievably selfish and manipulative, he had nothing but abusive relationships, he treated his friends and coworkers like shit… it’s really a wonder anyone hung out with him at all after a while. Sure he was revolutionizing the media and I get that guys like Jann Wenner had him around to sell magazines, but I’m kind of astounded that there were enough people who loved him to have written an entire biography constructed exclusively of personal anecdotes from friends. (‘Gonzo: The Life of Hunter S. Thompson’ if you’re interested)