What I Should’ve Said: A Collection of Unsent Letters
by Castallare

Table of Contents

I.
Everything I Needed to Know NOT to Do, I Learned From You Idiots.

II.
Pathologically Lying about Trivial, Unimportant Things Makes You Look Certifiably Crazy
or - By the Way, We’re Onto You.

III.
Is There Any Stereotype of Ignorant White Trash You Don’t Fit?
or - Stories About Your Family’s Tasteless Antics Will Fit Nicely Into My Novels

IV.
Your Beliefs are All Oxymoronic and You Sound Like an Imbecile Proclaiming Them Constantly

V.
If I Had a Dollar For Every Time I’ve Wanted to Tell You to Grow Up and Stop Whining All The Damned Time, I Could Afford a Mansion of Roman Proportions. Literally.
or - Yes, People Really Are Avoiding You On Purpose
or - Diplomacy and Class Have Kept Me From Ripping Your Face Off and Making You Cry

VI.
You’re Evidence That There Are People Without Souls
… So There’s No Need For You To Worry About The Afterlife

VII.
One Day You’ll Pay Money To Watch Lesbians in Action
… So Making Fun of Them Now Kind Of Makes You Look Stupid

VIII.
You’re a Jealous Coward
… But Because I Love You, I’m Not Mad At You Anymore

IX.
I Get Why You Drink But You’d Be Better Off Just Leaving
or - Tell Me Again Why You Married This Guy?

X.
How Did You Become Such a Materialistic Bitch?
or - Wow, That Didn’t Take Long at All.

XI.
No, I Don’t Give a Shit How Much Money You Have: Rich or Not, You Still Suck
or - Having a Giant House Won’t Save Your Soul

XII.
Everyone Who Matters Is Seriously Over You
or - How Come You Didn’t Turn Out As Cool As Everyone Else?