Sure, absolutely. I’m not waving some sort of banner here like I’m awesome. I just really find generalizations about America like that abrasive and not really constructive. You’re welcome to your views, but I’m welcome to comment on them. You know. On a blog.

>I hear what you’re saying about men doing it too- makes sense that it would go both ways. I just personally haven’t experienced that either.

That sounds great. If it’s really that great (and from several friends’ indications it seems that way), I gotta see that. Sounds refreshing. But then, I was from the middle of nowhere, where neighbors were sparse and we kept to ourselves. Being in the “big city” of Greensboro makes me twitch a bit and how people constantly have to be annoying the piss out of each other and be in each others’ business. Like, we got enough problems of our own folks gotta start making things up about their partners to complain about? Makes no sense to me.

…what, you mean like that entire last response of yours? Snort. I hear what you’re saying about men doing it too- makes sense that it would go both ways. I just personally haven’t experienced that either.

>it’s kindness and understanding and patience that will pull us all along, together.

I agree! It’s what I see in my daily life most often, and only get to hear horror stories of places that aren’t like this.

I’m very lucky (and don’t forget it for a moment) to live in a very artistic, liberal bubble within another liberal bubble. (Berkeley/greater Burning Man community, within the San Francisco Bay Area). It feels like much of the rest of America is some bizarro-land that has nothing to do with me. It’s either a problem or a great gift, depending on how you look at it.

Sure it’s dumb for a woman to antagonize her man for the sake of a laugh/camaraderie/attention/whatever period. It’s something Brandon and I have agreed on over the years, yet never so eloquently as penned (typed?) here. It was refreshing to see someone else say so.

See also:
“Guess I better hand the check over to the wife - she holds the purse-strings.”
“Good luck on married life - you’ll never get sex out of her now.”
“Time to get back to my old lady/ball-and-chain/harpy.”

If women stopped the think about it, I’m sure no one would really uphold this behavior as anything good. I don’t think most women put that much thought behind it. Either it’s rationalized away as some sort of recompense or it’s a knee-jerk response to some other irritation, which isn’t helping anything.

It’s one of millions of ways someone does something for the sake of tribalism - to feel included and exclusive. Take out the words “my husband” and throw in “Catholics” or “Muslims” and instead of “can’t keep the house clean,” say “are all sluts” or “terrorize decent people.” Let’s even make it less offensive (though that’s relative). Let’s make it blondes or yo mama. Let’s make it about race or age, sexuality or IQ.

It’s happened for a million years in a million ways and always will. I can hope for change and try to establish that in my own life, but I don’t think it’s going anywhere. Every decision, every judgement I make (It must be an American thing, eh?) is based on a primal urge to include or exclude and we will never be rid of that as long as I’m interested in appeasing the desires of a human body. Some people can try to use spirituality (either of the religious kind or homegrown varieties) to rise above it, but we’re none of us perfect, no not one. We’re bound to fall.

Instead of the outrage, the high-horsed stamping and cajoling and pointing fingers, it’s kindness and understanding and patience that will pull us all along, together.

Apologies for hijacking the discussion. Want your soapbox back? I didn’t get any vitriol on it, I hope.

http://regionals.burningman.com/us_sc.html

One day… One day…

It’s sad that some women think this shit is OK. It seems so backward to be living with those kind of gender stereotypes. I guess I’m just lucky to have grown up in a more progressive area, and learned to treat people as PEOPLE, deserving of respect and love and compliments and attention. Hrmph.